rear view mirror

 i was driving a week or so ago....alone. and deep in thought.

listening to my favorite CD as of late...it's always on.
one of our friend's work, she put her journal and poetry to music. it's breathtaking and life-giving because of Who she sings about....

i was scream-singing psalm 23 loudly from my car with windows down, heart as well. it's ministered to me the past few months and each time i listen to it, i look and listen for new understanding of new verses in the psalm in her song.....

The LORD is my shepherd; I have no need
He makes me lie down and rest
He leads me beside waters of peace
Where my soul can be refreshed

He leads me down paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
For you are with me, your rod and your staff they comfort me

You have set before me a table spread In spite of my greatest foes
You pour out anointing oil on my head
my cup overflows.

You lead me down paths of righteousness, for your names’ sake

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me
all my life, I will dwell in Your house

credits

i was soon meditating on the fact that i loved the latest month's verse ah-ha, which was that HE leads me on paths of righteousness for HIS namesake, not mine.....

i was soon in awe of how i once understood, the "surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life" part of the verse meant things would go well in life. NOW i know that "goodness and mercy" is just another name for Jesus, they are one of Jesus' many aliases. HE is goodness and HE is mercy and HE will "follow me (leadme) all the days of my life.....

i was worshipping on the truth that i could fear NO evil, because He was with me, like a parent who shields me or corrects me...and yet like a brother who defends me or has my back....He has had final victory over death and sin, i have nothing to fear....

the climax to the song was building and i was crying and driving and singing...and i was climbing the new side of town where we live now, elevated, higher up than the area of town i was just in moments before...and had lived in for the past 8 years....i was soon heading in the direction of the mesa....upward.

 as the music dropped out and just my friend and i were singing together (in unison but i was the only one in the car ;) i love having church with her in the car even tho she lives miles away now)...i looked behind me in my rear view mirror....i sang.."even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death....." and behind me was the valley. i shivered immediately. there was my valley. both literally and figuratively.

the valley is what they call that part of town in between the mountain and the mesa here. it's where we lived for 8 years....hard marriage years and also in our death season and grief season...a literal valley. i had never thought of it that way, until i was climbing the roads to the west side where we just moved and the valley was behind me......

and while the practical geography and the physical move was obvious, my heart wanted to shout something else, something new....i felt my soul soar as i realized he walked in that valley with me everyday knowing that i would not stay there......

the irony was a beautiful mess of tears and shivers and tight throated-cries that made me not able to swallow or catch my breath.

that hill, that valley, that song...that moment.

..i would not stay there, he would not make me stay there, he carried me out. out of the valley.

they all painted this picture of faithfulness. and mercy. and steadfast love. of a GOD who comforts and walks and carries, that heals and delivers and leads and refreshes.....and a God who is WITH us as the verse states...i know this because as i looked back to my own green valley behind me in the mirror, i was singing a verse out loud and my heart said amen. my heart knew Who was with me then in my valley days. the verse was true. the truths melted together. Glory.

ever grateful for this picture and this moment, i praised him for his goodness and his faithful promises. and deliverance.

there will always be new valleys. life valleys. this side of heaven. i know this.

but to literally see and feel what happened in those sweet tender seconds of singing and reviewing and looking back, i felt so humbled to have him point out his faithful works to me and recall his promises once again. this psalm was brought to life in many ways for me that day......

showing me again, and again and again at how only his word is the truest food for our souls. it's the only thing that gives life and sustains. it's the only compass that keeps us journeying forward and it's our only hope for staying on course.....

          thankful that goodness and mercy are ours in Christ.