a young woman my age, a recent widow and a mom with a young daughter, stood next to me in church yesterday. she fought to. she fought to sing and chase salty memory tears and champion her hurting heart to believe the truth that was flooding her ears and heart. my heart swelled. i am honored to know her.
they are both on the front lines of suffering right now....they hold fragile broken heart in hand and are fighting for peace and joy in trauma and loss. they are both fighting to believe what they say they believe, even in darkest hour. both didn't have to grace doors yesterday to a church and singing and fellowship, they could have stayed home with their wounds, on the sidelines..safe from change. but they chose to fight. to stay in the game...and pursue Him, knowing the only way their hearts can change or keep beating for Him.... is to train. and be fed. and to be around others doing the same thing.
about a month ago, the school shootings had taken place and a family we know of, from here in town, lost their 5 yr old daughter to a severe asthma attack. we had just returned a month before all of this from burying my husband's 18 yr old cousin, who died from cancer. we had just gotten through sydney's 5th birthday in heaven and were missing her greatly. my sweet friend at home was facing the first christmas with her family missing their daddy, her husband, who was serving time in prison. my sweet friend and her daughter were facing another Christmas without her husband and her daddy, and my heart just hurt and hurt. death and suffering seemed to fill my lens and cloud my mind and hang heavy on my heart.....so many suffering around me, right at Christmas time too. watching all the news reports and interviews and seeing the scrolling feeds on facebook, most all pointed to why? why should we suffer so? why should these innocent children suffer? these families suffer? it's just not fair. i agreed. not fair at all....but isn't that why Jesus had to come to us? to make us all these sad things untrue one day?
several years ago, i remember asking that same question, heart twisted in anger and bitterness and shock...when we lost our daughter. when we faced a future without her. when our faith's deepest test was given.....and i was not ready for that test.
last month, my mom and i were talking over coffee about this current troubling time around us and we talked about many things...about how it's not fair but that we shouldn't be surprised by suffering, how our world is sadly broken and all of it points to a NEED for fixing it, a beautiful savior that we were celebrating the birth the very week of this talk....glory. thankful. what mercy....that we were facing questions and pain but celebrating and remembering the very solution and answer for such despair.
i had been marinating an idea that He showed me and i shared it with her....and i do believe it helps me in my own suffering......not in a trite way, not in a romans 8:28 way, but a romans 8: 28 AND 29 way....in a conforming way, a transforming way....
look at the picture He gave me......press in and really look and see what your heart sees:
were any of you bench sitters like me in sports? how many of us like to sit on the bench? i didn't like it but it was safe. i was pretty skilled in one sport, basketball. and i loved it and got to play a lot but when i took to another one, volleyball. i pretty much found myself on the bench most games. i wasn't that great at all with that sport. i couldn't really be counted on to make a play or come through, i was embarrassed when i messed up so the bench became the safe place for me. i wasn't ready or prepared for games or really that good at that sport, not like the other sport i excelled at before, so i basically cheered on my team's victories from the sidelines. i knew what it was like to start in a game and what it was like to be benched. not everyone can play at the same time and some just aren't ready, i get that. but follow me....
professional athletes don't train and train and push their bodies to sit on the bench. they just don't. they push their bodies and minds to PLAY, all through high school and college just to get to their goal of playing for a pro team. and they don't do all this hard work and day dreaming of a warm bench seat on the sidelines. who would do that? all that work for sitting? they want to play. they want to be IN the game not just a viewer.
olympians train from young ages to get to play in the big rings, not just learn and train and hone their bodies and minds for such a skill to just have it wasted and say never mind....or simply watch. they train to compete.
doctors and surgeons train in school and labs for a long long time to be able to help people when they need it most...they have to use their skills in frightening traumatic situations and make really hard life depending decisions in blinks of time. they have to be in the game, not just in their books....they have to be ready to put their work to the test....
so it is in the Christian sojourn, isnt' it?
we as a human race fell to sin in the garden and were banished from God, broken. God in His goodness and mercy, while we were still fallen, sent an atonement. His son was born to die and He lived his life with the cross in front of Him. He conquered sin and death in the cross and resurrection and we have an inheritance in Heaven if we trust in Him and call upon Him for saving.....YET, we still sojourn on earth. we still are waiting to have Him make all things new......so we are in His world but not TO Glory yet...we are in training mode, practice. in serious training mode for the big game and once we sign up and wear the jersey, we are called to work and persevere for the prize and glory set before us...but i would guess that most of us are just fine sitting on the safe sidelines in faith. we have to be fine?..because we hate trials and suffering.....?
a player can wear a jersey with a number on it, have his name on it and still sit on the bench. he can say he plays for this team or that.. but he's not on the front lines, he's watching. even the ones we all know of and hear and cheer for and even maybe 'raise as idols sadly' are the ones on the front lines and in the game. the ones who get play time. we see their faces and their jersey names and numbers and we identify them as playing for this team or that team. we follow their wins and losses and stats and know who they belong to. the bench guys, sadly? not so much....it's a giant privilege and honor and goal to move up in the lines on the bench, to get to start, to get to be able to get dirty and use your skills you've trained for....
why don't we look at suffering for the gospel that way? why can't we?
if we believers wear the church jersey or the God jersey and say our name is christian on the back of it, why are we so surprised when we get called into the game? we train in reading and prayer and trusting in faith, then when our name is called to 'put it to use' and play, why can't we look at it as an honor and a privilege? we get to be in the game and put our faith and 'practice' to the test and represent our team owner, our God.
people on life's stages, suffering with all eyes on them, getting 'play time'....can be a beacon of His HOPE and His promises and His faithfulness and His mercy....they can be showcased, these 'players' on these life's stages to truly show what team they play for and who and what they are fighting for and the hope and grace that it all stands for...
so these parents that lost and buried their children? my friend, who's husband is away serving time for a year, away from his family? the wife that buries her husband too soon? the family that faces tragedy? they GET to get off the bench? yes i know how that sounds. but we are that family...so i can say with full heart and no worries of making ya'll mad with that comment...that yes. we are all GETTING to put our faith to the test......i have to beg for God-eyes to see it that way. and there's such grace for letting me see it......to see the PRIVILEGE in the call. to see the grace gifts that hurting heart and wet swollen eyes can't see but could soon feel in the heart in time....by His grace. what if i flipped my thinking and instead of feeling "not fair" for them, i felt "not fair" for me...the one still sitting on the bench. on the sidelines.
is this whole idea easier said than done? well, of course. i write this and i even know that in my own life. suffering and pain are not comfortable. neither is getting dirty or knocked around on a field but people do it every weekend and actually get paid for it and get cheered for it. and it's what they signed up for. suffering, pain, grief, persecution...all of these are burdens to wear and carry and are fierce trials and trauma in our lives. but instead of "why me" or "why now", oh that we and i mean ME too, preaching to myself always, oh that we could see that we are up now, asked to get off the bench and fight. and to play. to use the faith skills that have been building (oh, right, now we see the purpose of that training right there) and use them, put them to use, to test and to play....it's what we signed up for.
if our whole sojourn's purpose is to know God and to enjoy Him and glorify Him forever, then oh how our perspective might change with that one goal, in light of suffering. that we would see that sideline safe faith doesn't need help or need Him, that suffering would DRAW us to Him, cause us to press into Him for sustaining mercy and strength, that suffering would put us on the field, ready or not, to GET to play, to GET to fight and steady our hearts and point ALL to a most beautiful Hope and goal. oh that we could meditate and practice this thinking, so that when suffering comes and it will, friend...when it comes, we would get our pads on, our protective armor (his word) and suit up...that we would fight for JOY, because it's a fight, it does NOT come naturally to choose Joy in pain, that we would see it a privilege to join our Elder Brother in suffering, who went before us in the biggest game of all, the salvation winning one, and that we would see that we could JOIN Him in playing in the game for our Father and our good? and not just sitting on the bench....getting cold (hearted) and stiff (spirited) and out of practice (lukewarm faith), that we would WANT to draw others to a God that saves and rescues and delivers. that we could trust our Captain in what He's doing and purposing and see that ONLY by suffering and groaning pain did HE win us to Him and that only by suffering and groaning pain will we truly see what the game played out looks like as it brings us to Him. in hourly need and daily dependence.....bringing us to Him in an even deeper trusting lived out faith.
as a fellow bench warmer in my faith, i liked the comfortable view,...watching others have to get hurt and play and fight in the game is a lot easier than it having to be me taking the hits, right?..they can win for Him and i can celebrate and cheer. it's easy to sit on the sidelines and watch, no cost to me, i don't have to do any work and i get to see the team win sometimes. i even still crave the safe sidelines, BUT oh sojourner friend.....when my name was called to get in the suffering game and i floundered in faith, i did, it was hard heart work...but when i decided it was a glorious privilege to play for my Team and i let it all go and began to fight...oh the sweet victories of grace and peace that flooded my heart, the small wins for seeing heart change or mercy mornings or the big wins for witnessing for God's Hope or seeing lives changed by our loss...it began to be more than anything i had experienced on the bench. the wins i watched before were nice, but the victories that i fought for in my own field began to champion my heart in daily life stages for my suffering and were even sweeter because the name and the jersey were being put to use.....it's my life goal and theme that anyone who knows me, despite my flesh failures at times to show it, that they would know WHO i play for, WHO i belong to...and know that He can call me off the bench at any time and i will gladly fight and play hard. oh the sweet grace HE gives to even say that, because this fellow bench warmer knows how nice and safe it is to just watch. to want to be used but just wants to stay safe.
but as we all know, that's not where the excitement is. or the testing. or the reward. or the Glory.
God receives glory when we're in the game, fighting and playing hard and showing our devotion and trust even when the score is down and time is running out and all odds are stacked against us....God receives glory when we answer the call to suit up and stand firm on the field.....the sidelines are safer but bench warmers can't really stand firm because they are sitting. and aren't able to make plays or moves. but those on the field can put to good use all the years of training and learning and waiting, to display for others and see for themselves....that you only experience the truest sweetest most amazing part of the game when you're in it.
stand firm, sojourner. stand firm in His marvelous grace.
"So, humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will life you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are.
In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen."
I have written and sent this short letter to you with the help of Silas, whom I commend to you as a faithful brother. My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God's grace for you. Stand firm in this grace." 1 Peter 5: 6-12
stand firm sojourner and fight and beg and pray and plead to let Him show you the grace-beauty in getting called off the faith bench to put your faith to the test and SEE that HE who promised IS faithful and HE IS making all things new as a result, there is sweet rewards of Joy and Peace and Grace when you take the field and fight FOR Him and His kingdom and His children.....He has a most wonderful plan for the game......you CAN trust Him, you can rely on Him and you don't just have to wear the jersey and pretend while safe. you can be safe. and not take the risk of getting hurt but you miss out on the grace that He wants to give you in the hard, messy rainy field....and He misses out on the Glory you can give him when He brings you through it. because HE will. you can be a great warrior for His sake and His glory and His name......
praying that we can see suffering and trials ONLY through His eyes of grace as we stand firm in it and not any other way.....
No comments:
Post a Comment