i hesitated in posting these pictures from today....i hate to ever make anyone who comes here who has lost a child like us think i am "all better" or "moved on" and splashing my "new baby" all over the place....i don't know how to explain it. because carrying henry in my belly while carrying sydney in my heart while in heaven is one of the hardest things i have experienced. i miss her...i wait for him. i ache for her. i long to meet him....i want to know what he will be like, while i can't NOT think the same about her.....henry does not replace her. he doesn't cover the loss. he will bring joy to us, a rebirth in a way...but the hole is still there that can only be filled by her...and that won't happen until we see her again when we are with Jesus too....
i never made it to maternity sessions with liam or sydney..i abrupted with both of them too soon.i have very few self taken pics of both pregnancies as well...so it was really important for me to document henry....not knowing what will come, i wanted to celebrate him this way and my sweet best friend amy blessed me with these pictures.....
so in hopes of just wanting to sit in this joy that is our second son...i hope and pray it will not hurt hearts to see them....one of my favorite pictures is of course the one with henry in my belly and syd's foot on mine...feels connected somehow....
trying to decide if i should separate our stories...sydney's loss and henry's upcoming arrival...yet, they both make me who i am. they both co-exist at the same time. hard to think about splitting the two because the Lord is working in me through both of them.....
only time will tell i guess...feel free to let me know what you think or feel about it....
8 comments:
I completely understand. Seeing your stunning Henry belly would never, ever make me think you have forgotten Sydney. Their two little lives - and the life of their big brother are entwined together in a very special way.
And, I think documenting and celebrating this pregnancy honours Henry, Sydney - and of course - God, the creator of them both.
Your pictures are gorgeous. I too, especially like the one with both Henry and Sydney.... they are connected.
I feel the same way about blogging about a new pregnancy... but, like you, I feel like this new pregnancy is such a huge part of my journey after losing Nicholas. He is helping me through it... he will always be a part of it. And so, I share this new blessing on "Nicholas' Touch" as well. I think it's a good choice... we are all very happy for you.
"carrying henry in my belly while carrying sydney in my heart".... I love it. Explains the emotions perfectly.
Love to you
The look on your face is priceless. It shows pure joy when holding your belly, as well as, looking down at your foot to see Sydney's footprint on yours.
I've never walked in your shoes. I do walk in Mommy shoes, wife shoes, and woman shoes. All three of your children are gifts. Show them off as much as you need and want to.
I think blogging about Henry's life here, will be just right, Lyss. I think that you are forever changed since Syd's birth-- and this blog helps to document who you are because of Syd- and because of Liam and Henry. I guess I feel if you move everything over to Liam's blog...then it will seem like Syd's story has an ending..and point where you move back to the way "things were" and that...will never happen.
I'm rambling and not getting to my point!
What if you use this blog as your blog now? Move Liam's blog here...and blog about all 3 of your children here.
I dont know...I feel so dumb giving advice on something I know nothing about...so I'm going to go shower now, LOL!!!!!!
lyss, thanks for posting these. It's not as good as us being there, but close. These pix confirm two of my theories, one a long held thought that pregnant women are the most beautiful thing God created. The other the more recent thought that when Amy puts a camera up to her head, she makes magic with things that the rest of us don't see.
I think you are a strong, courageous young woman who remembers the harsh realities of the past, but looks to the future with hope. Sydney will always be a part of your life and forever in your heart. Henry doesn't replace her. He simply is your witness to your hope.
I think they are beautiful. As a fellow mama who has lost a baby boy last fall, Samuel Mark, a stillbirth I think it is wonderful that you will have these pictures for the future. I know in no way does your celebrating of Henry take away your grief over sydney... I think you said it all just right. Praying for you and sweet Henry too:) May God's peace cover you!
Sara
I understand your dilemma. I've questioned how much I want to share of my new pregnancy on the blog I started after the death of my son. I don't want to cause pain for so many that are newly grieving or struggling to conceive and yet I can't always separate my fears and joys of this new pregnancy because of all that I've been through. At this point I'm keeping it as one story but who knows.
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