beautiful grateful moments

i am adoring the fact that all the months and months of waiting and being scared for henry to arrive safe and sound and BREATHING have worked themselves out into a smiley almost 8 month old who is starting to crawl before my very eyes.

it takes my breath away sometimes to think of how much we lost, how much it hurt. and still. he is here. He let him be.

while i wish there were 30 little toes sticking out of an old quilt that has become a makeshift fort at playtime, i am blessed and grateful for the 20 that i see. instead of just ten. or none.

while i ache for a family picture that shows the five of us, i am utterly in awe that we now have four.

while i wish that i had three little ones splashing about in crazy bath time madness, i am blessed to have an extra little head to wash and guard from his brother's silly antics with the water toys.

while i long for the days of ALL of us in the big bed on saturday mornings, waking to giggles and snorts...i am taken back each morning i wake up to TWO little monsters beside me rather than just one.

while i long for her and miss her so much, never before have i ever felt such a tangible feeling of God's mercy and grace as i look down and see our liam playing with his brother on the floor. the brother that we prayed for. just like we did for sydney. the brother that liam just expected that would go to heaven like the other two. the brother that is already starting to pull his big brother's hair and get into his toys.

i am overcome in the smallest of moments, the simplest of moments and seconds. the snapshots that i see, looking out with my pain-stained heart and eyes that shed so many tears..that's the lens i look through....those moments i see with that lens just take my breath away and make the simple times that much sweeter.

we are blessed. we are blessed. not just because henry is here. safe and sound. but ALSO because of the precious precious little girl that came before him. she taught me things and showed me how to see life in a whole new way.....one of beauty.