eucharisteo in Sunshine

...been missing you lately.

no rhyme or reason, that's how grief is though. there doesn't need to be a reason to miss you, my heart just does.

many tears i have cried this week, feeling the mounting pressure of ache coming onto my heart. searching for EUCHARISTEO in every moment of every day, fighting for joy, finding mercy in the simplest of sunsets and peace in a melody...joy in a belly laugh of your brother or a grin...

driving home the other afternoon, alone....i was driving in overcast, cloudy merk. it mirrored my heart, it was the setting for my soul as of late. i searched for grace on the road, mercy in a face or beam of light somewhere, peace on the radio...something tangible.

then, as i drove west into home territory....i literally passed into a pool of sunshine...it was so drastic. it was so sudden....from dark to light. from heavy to light. from merk to merry....it was as if the Lord lifted my very soul with that silly light...just sunshine...but it creeped into the deepest aching places and warmed me. and brought me to tears....joyFULL tears of sweet salty joy. and eucharisteo, thanksgiving for a gentle God that would make cloud and sun a second's drive apart, that would allow that light break and spilling of mercy, mean so much to me at that very moment....it was my rainbow in the flood and i soaked up every single ray and beam...took it in deep and knew it was more than mere sunshine. it was Son. and it was for me.

i miss you, dear one. i long to hold you, but am thankful for the One that holds you now. the One that holds us both.....