ashes

four years ago today, all was fine with miss sydney grace.

four years ago tomorrow, it was not.

four years ago, on the 30th, this wednesday, we got to meet our beautiful baby girl we had waited so long for, and tell her goodbye. and let her go.

four years, she could be four this week. so surreal. i have no idea what that looks like...but He does.

no matter the years of grief, no matter how much amazing, loving mercy the Lord has graced us with since, the sting of this week will be evident in my voice and on my face, in my shaky hands and my hurting heart. i've known for a long time i need Jesus, but our baby girl showed me just how much i'd need Him to truly suffer with Joy and wear my faith for real. bittersweet. but such a gift. praising Him for what He continues to bring out of the ashes....