Hallelujahs....

"Hallelujahs are the language of heaven. And they can become the language of your heart."





For some time after Sydney died, Ian and I each chose to grieve differently. One out loud and publicly and the other keeping it inside. And then Ian heard music. In his head, it would not leave. He began losing sleep and driving himself crazy with this heaven sent tune. He could not get it out of his head. That melody. Unending. And in the beginning, we weren't ready or able to say Hallelujah and truly mean it...Hallelujah for death? Of a sweet little baby? How could that be?




Two years later, Ian began putting this "head music" together in the form of a song. Collecting sweet talented friends of ours. asking me to write the lyrics. Adding this year long melody with his amazing talents on the drums and in a large group effort with many we love, he began crafting Sydney's Song. A song that Ian felt was about her. Her life and death and it's impact on us. A song that would help him heal and move forward in restoration and reconciling his little girl's death to a good God. Over that 3rd year, Ian began to see how Sydney's Song was not supposed to be about her as much as it was to be about the One who ordained all of her days and how it was He that would bring the healing, not just songwriting, to him. Ian shared with me these thoughts and we both agreed that we needed to rework the song. I rewrote the lyrics, kept some of the original but we both agreed this song would be a praise song, not just a lament one. A worshipFULL song, not just a mourning one. And most importantly, this song was God's. Not Ian's. Not ours, not even hers. But God's song. For Him and about Him and what He does with grief battered torn up hearts because of death.

Because of the death of a little girl. Because of the death of a Savior and ultimately the death of our own sin at the Cross.

This song would be death's anthem. All for His glory. To show how death has no sting anymore. CHRIST took it with His bloody painful death on a cross and ushered it into oblivion with His last breath. Are you crying or cheering with heart racing rhythms like me with that image? Because it's powerful and true. And our only hope. Against death.




As we enter into our fourth year this week, Sydney's Song is finished. It is finally done. Brought to fruition from all those years ago, a hurting daddy wanting to put his feelings to music, his love language. The song has been picked over and tediously worked on by her daddy, four years of work, many hours, many many late nights, lots of tears and hurting prayers, worked on by ian, many friends, prayed for and even supported financially by so many who loved us and shared our vision for wanting this song to bless others in a 2 Corinthians 1 kind of way.....

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort."
2 Corinthians 1: 3-7

How do you say Hallelujah in the midst of pain?

‎"In this age of independence, people find it hard to acknowledge their neediness. However, I have taken you along a path that has highlighted your need for Me; placing you in situations where your strengths were irrelevant and your weaknesses were glaringly evident. Through the aridity of those desert marches, I have drawn you closer and closer to Myself. You have discovered flowers of Peace blossoming in the most desolate places. You have learned to thank Me for hard times and difficult journeys, trusting that through them I accomplish My best work. You have realized that needing Me is the key to knowing Me intimately, which is the gift above all gifts..." Jesus Calling, November 29th ...AMEN! Hallelujah!





The song, it has been engineered, mixed and mastered and is finally a beautiful masterpiece. A gift for a daughter, on her birthday, from her father about their Heavenly father.....about healing. About our Healer. A Hallelujah to our God!

But of course, just as creative and wonderfully surprising as God can be, the story doesn't end there....

Over the past several years, I've felt called to something. Something God laid upon my heart, that I shared with Ian and he wasn't there. He wasn't ready. But one month ago, during a message here Ian received a precious Holy Spirit message that he shared with me once we got into the car after church....Not only was Ian ready but God said NOW.

"You are the helper of the fatherless. LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will prepare their heart; You will cause Your ear to hear, To do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, That the man of the earth may oppress no more."
Psalms 10:14,17-18

God takes disgusting ugly death and transforms it into beauty, into restoration and reconciles it.. through the Cross, because of a Savior, eternal life, the end of sin in heaven? Yes!!! But also here. On earth and in hearts that walk in the now not yet season...He can take the bad, the painful and the sad and renew it and transform it into a thing of Grace that solely brings glory to Himself. All the while, drawing others to Him.

......................................................................................

We are joyfully glad and proud to announce that we have answered the call to adoption. Our journey to this point has been a long one, a painful one, a life changing one, and a God focused one. This is not plan B for us simply because we can't have anymore kids. This is God's plan A for our family. It always was. We are certain, that our family is called to care, serve, love and bring a home to one of His fatherless children. To make things right? No. To replace her? No. Never. Because we cannot have anymore children biologically? No. Simply because that is gospel is why.

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."
James 1:27

To love and care for his orphans is the most beautiful image of gospel love, of redeeming love and restoring love. And life changing love and heart transforming love. We want to be a part of that and help others that are passionate about it's message as well! We might not have walked this path had we not lost our Sydney. Or maybe we would have, only God knows..Death did teach us about God's restorative love though. And adoption is restorative love at it's finest..Just as God adopted us into His heavenly family, we chose adoption here on earth...I do know we can say that our sweet baby girl's life and death has influenced and shaped our hearts, as we in our loss, reach out in love to bring a fourth child into our family, a precious child that has experienced it's own loss as well. We long to reconcile that hurt and loss of theirs and have God redeem it by uniting us all as a family.


"Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families."
Psalms 68:5-6

We prayed and prayed about what to do with Sydney's Song and we decided that if we believe in God's redeeming ugly death into beautiful life, and if we believe that our baby girl's life and death had meaning and purpose, than we wanted to create a way to bring that to life, in a tangible way...to serve others, better others and bless others.....and most importantly to bring Glory to God.....and because we believe so much in the love and power of adoption, we wanted Sydney's Song to be used that way, to help others in their adoption journey....

As we share this heart and song work with you now, we ask that you donate a small amount to download the song and ALL money will go to the ABBA adoption fund at our church DSC. The ABBA fund at Desert Springs Church is an interest free loan offered to families who need extra assistance in bringing home their child in adoption. The fund is used and replenished constantly for other families to use and be blessed by....it takes a village. I love that.

Here is where you can download the song......




We pray that you will be blessed immensely by Sydney's Song, and that you would share it with others in forwarding the link to those you feel would be ministered by it's message, whether you have lost a child through infant loss, stillbirth or miscarriage or even abortion, buried an infant as a result of a disease or long suffering sickness, lost a spouse or friend, sibling, daughter or son in death, survived cancer or beat an illness. We have been affected by both stillbirth and miscarriage and while they are different they are both loss, HUGE, life changing loss. I lost Adam, my long time friend of over 30 years, two years ago after his long battle with Cystic Fibrosis, this song is for and about him as well and for his family...This song is for my friend Laura, who died too young and for her parents and sisters who buried her so many years ago and live without her now...This song of Hope is for us all if HE makes ALL sad things come untrue with the gospel. ALL things...

We pray that you will be overjoyed and moved to learn that your donation, big or small (Ian set it up so you can buy it for $2.00 or the MORE option next to it if you feel called to donate more) for the purchase of Sydney's Song will help a family in their steps of bringing one of God's children into their homes. How amazing, that it will help another child. Sydney's life and death will have purpose in possibly changing another little one's life...Any and all money ever related to this song will ALWAYS and forever be linked to adoption for families that need it, in her name...We will never profit or gain financially from this song, that is not and has not ever been our motive. In hearing and being hopefully blessed by the song born in Ian's heart, you will be able to bless others at the same time. Isn't that wonderful? And amazing? And creative? And so purposeful like our good God is...Hallelujah right? Yes, Hallelujah!!

"And anyone who welcomes a little child like this on my behalf is welcoming me."
Matthew 18:5



It took us a while to get to a place where we could sing, "You give and take away, blessed be the name of the Lord" and mean it and trust it....Hallelujah's have been in our heart for several years now, as we trusted Him and sought Him in our pain, as we called upon Him and He was near to us in our brokenness. The Hallelujah is not a result in things going our way, because they didn't. She's still gone. The Hallelujah is not a result of time healing wounds, because that doesn't happen either. The Hallelujah is not even a result now of a possible chair at our dinner table being filled with a pink tutu someday soon...We sang Hallelujahs at Sydney's memorial...Phil Wickham's, I will wait for you there...."Hallelujah's in the morning, Hallelujahs in the night...I will wait for you, as long as I have life..." How fitting.

We sing and praise Hallelujah because we have a good and loving and merciful God who kept us while we slept in tears, awoke with us in our pain, walked with us, teaching us and pruning our hearts, sending others to be His hands and feet to us over and over, transforming us in our suffering and bringing us ever closer to him in His own suffering. It is only by His grace that we are here, today, praising Him in our pain, in her absence, covered with His merciful hand.

Last night we prayed together and as we all held hands and ushered meager words and tears, Ian prayed..."And thank you, Sydney for giving us the responsibility to do something with your life and death, Help us Lord to do so to Your Glory!" Isn't that our job? OUR RESPONSIBILITY? To not waste the pain but ALLOW God to transform it? WOW. That's a huge task and our baby girl is worth all of it...the good and the bad. Endless thanks to our many loving friends and precious long suffering family, old friends and new. Thanks to our Church body, our sweet community group, all my sweet blog momma's and many others who have carried this pain with us for four years and are seeing fruit in Sydney's Song with us....We love you, we are grateful for each one of you. Hallelujah!!


"Hallelujahs are the language of heaven. And they can become the language of your heart." They are the language of our hearts today. Help us, help others, so that it may be true in their hearts as well!!!




Happy Birthday, sweet baby girl! Four years, we've missed you now. We love you, sweet precious, Sydney Grace. We are thankful for your life. And we are hopeful that in your life and death and in our choice to choose Joy and trust the Lord in it, that others will come to know and trust in Christ, become closer to Him if far, and be renewed in the loving saving grace that transforms and makes ALL sad things come untrue one day.....




Sydney Grace, born still November 30th, 2007
Having Momma's lips and Daddy's hair..and the spitting image of the sweetest mix of her brother's Liam and Henry....