professional-paid-touring-live-playing-recording-cd-making-musician. for years. it's what we came out west for....a dream.
he and his band set out to change the music scene and make it big. their music was insane good.
they paid their dues in the early years, playing state fairs and empty bars...they then toured and were away a lot and our families were divided most times, apart, struggling...but we supported our men. as they chased, not necessarily fame and fortune, but a name for themselves and a way of life.....
a friend long ago once told ian she dreamt that she saw him playing to a huge massive crowd, using his gift....
what if?
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
proverbs 16:9
fast forward through bankrupting record labels and babies dying and marriage testing and dream crashing and daughter-losing-world stopping-starting over....
and you find a man, whom i love.
and respect.
not because he is famous or has a big name or brings in thousands of fans, not because of his success or accolades.
but because he serves.
he took on a job recently at our church as the facilities supervisor and his skills and heart were a great match. this weekend i got to watch him work tirelessly, with many others, to serve hundreds at a local conference our church hosted. hours and hours he was away from home, preparing...i watched him work hard and plan and set up and clean and paint and prepare. he missed most of the sessions because he was working and troubleshooting and fixing things for others in the building...and then i watched him play in front of hundreds for the music portion of worship too and i noticed something....i clap to his beat. not to the beat of the crowd, but to the bass drum beat on his drums....if the drums fall out for a second, i am still clapping his beat, waiting for it to return, waiting for him. i know his beat.
....i watched him serve with his gifts this weekend and it struck me that while to the world "almost opening for coldplay" would have been a huge success (pretty dang cool of course too), a highlight or the dream fulfilled, kingdom wise God had other dreams to fulfill.. to God, he would have this man, on a trajectory of possible fame and fortune, become a servant instead...serving those around him in his work as he tends to the maintenance and trash and the cleaning which most would deem unfavorable maybe. and yet also playing with joy unto the Lord with his instrument, passionately playing his heart out in front of hundreds each sunday....getting to be a part of starting a valuable ministry of men serving in the church through his new work....the irony washed over me this weekend as i heard the speaker talk about how Jesus the master washed his disciples feet in a remarkable show of humility and love and ultimate symbolism..and that we are to serve others that way, pride aside and just serve...doesn't matter about status. clearly King Jesus didn't care.....
as i was meditating on this after the session, i glanced over to see my husband shake a man's hand as he thanked ian for his hard work. i was more proud of him somehow in that tiny little stolen moment i caught than any of his shows i had ever seen him play, his gracious smile and appreciative yet humble nod....his amazing drum skills still the same, but his heart was exponentially bigger and yet more humble and more clay-like, and servant like.....you see, my husband LOVES to take care of others. he does. he doesn't see pride as a stumbling block in his job because he gets to take care of others and love them and help them, just like the gospel tells us to...our boys could have watched daddy grow possibly famous and play to crowds of strangers while getting all kinds of praise and being a part of his life "sometimes"..
"we can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps." proverbs 16:9
but now, they get to watch this man work hard and serve others in a different way than he dreamed but one that suits his heart better. and his family. and His God. the boys see his servant's heart work AND his shiny drum kit still on stage. Lord willing, they will grow up seeing their daddy serving others all while still rocking out in front of hundreds....
once upon a time, i was married to a rockstar.
and i still am.
that's grace.
2 comments:
oh my word. this is one of my fave posts here of all time! You describe perfectly what I have seen, what I see now, and what is evident in God's work in your family, your marriage, and in Ian. Praise the Lord! I'm so thankful to be a part of seeing the Lord glorify himself through you guys!
I love this. God gives us what we need, and how good is it in those moments when we can look back after the pain and confusion and good and bad and realise how perfect his will is. Thanks for sharing.
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