passenger seat?

i was blessed to visit with a sweet friend while in dallas....after much heartache, loss and suffering and a very scary egg-shell-walking pregnancy, she answered the door with a full arm of sweet evan in her hands. we looked at one another, standing in the door and we just embraced and teared up and held each other....i looked down at her little miracle and thanked God for him. i touched his little head and felt him, real as could be...he was here, finally. safe and sound. i exhaled.

we had a lovely visit. we discussed every topic under the sun and always found ourselves back at reveling God's goodness and His grace.....much of our conversation is a sweet moment for me that i will keep private and honor our time together that way....but we did somehow talk about our trials, our losses and our struggles with smiles and bent hearts towards our Lord....while i cannot speak for her, i do know her well enough to say that both of us have walked a long and bumpy road to get to that place of thanksgiving and grateful heart. in the midst of such heartache, God has taught us in His grace, to not give up, to not miss the lessons He has for us in that refining process...

we talked about fear. about that "waiting for the other shoe to drop" feeling you have when you finally feel peace, when you have worked really hard in obedience to trust even when you don't FEEL it....to get to that safe blessing place and be scared of what is around the corner....

thanks to my parents, my brother and i were taught growing about things through analogies. so helpful...so visual. so lasting in my mind....so i told her about my analogy.

about how when i am driving, especially on the highway or on road trips or in heavy traffic, i white-knuckle the steering wheel. i am on high alert and a little stressed. the responsibility of the lives i am carrying in that car can seem daunting. the idea of what could happen on the road....an accident, a careless driver, weather....i worry about it all. i worry about getting lost and if i took the right road...i worry about getting to a place on time....i feel very in charge and responsible. however, when i am the passenger in the car, it is a much different story...i sit more relaxed, my posture is different. i might take in the scenery more and appreciate the landscapes instead of looking for street names and watching lane changes. i can fiddle with the radio or check my makeup or talk to liam in the backseat....i can sing and be silly and sit back and feel freer than when i am behind the wheel....no white knuckles.

i told my friend that is how i feel a lot of the times....when i let fear take hold and pretend to be in control of things, i put God in the passenger seat and i try and drive. in the muck. i white knuckle it the whole way. i am a wreck but boy, do i have the wheel. i hear my own thoughts more, i "drive" based on my emotions and feelings and make my choices based off those things. YET, when i lessen my grip from that wheel and stop off on the side of the road, too tired to drive any longer the way i am, and i let God back in the drivers seat, i soon slip back into the comfortable position of passenger. relaxed posture, aware that i have NO control over what the driver does, i am along for the ride....i can take in the sights, i can let my guard down because i am trusting someONE else to get me to my destination.....i don't have to worry about directions or short cuts, crazy weather conditions or what others do.....i am to sit along side and let Him steer.

why do we white knuckle the wheel of life like we do? why do we insist on trying to figure things out and be in control? why do we sit and ponder what if's when we have a Sovereign God who says, this is it. why do we constantly fight the urge to take short cuts and miss out on the landscapes of lessons that He wants to teach us?

to let go, to get to a place where you hand over the keys to God the Driver and say, ok. i am done. i am tired of trying to captain this sinking ship...i DO trust you- it's such a liberating place to find yourself in.