why pray?

why pray? why pray at all?

God is going to do what He wants anyway...He makes the decisions, He ordains things into being. He is sovereign over every little minute detail...so why pray?

pray for healing for a sick friend? why- God already has that life planned? what's the use? will my prayers really change things? pray for a certain marriage to be redeemed and restored? why- people are stubborn and won't change, what's the use in praying? after sydney died, i struggled with the intense lesson i was learning about a sovereign God. one who doesn't change and has already mapped out my life for me....days and years and eternity ahead. i needed to come to grips with the fact that nothing happened accidentally. nothing was out of the scope of HIs plan for me. and no matter what was to come, He would turn it into good...

that has been a struggle of a question in my mind the past year or so..if God is truly sovereign and unchanging, then why pray at all sometimes?

i knew the answer is to do it anyway but i am not sure i ever exhausted the reasons why because it seemed to hurt too much or to be tiring. i was content on just doing it as a duty, a chore...some days with joy, others day a forced act.

a message i heard last sunday was the answer i have been longing for...because not only does it give me an answer to a years long struggle, but it gives me hope and it gives me encouragement to make the choice with joy and an earnest heart, not just a chore to check off my legalism checklist....

why pray? why pray we ask?

FIRST and foremost we are told: Because He commands us to do so. (and there is JOY on the other side of obedience). we are His children that He saved by HIs loving grace and we owe him that much, don't we. to obey HIs commands?

Secondly, it brings God joy to have his children ask him through prayer for his guidance. (how good does it make you feel when your child asks for your advice or help on something? they trust you, they are coming to you for wisdom)

Thirdly, it brings God glory and honor when we come to Him like that through prayer. And our chief purpose in life is to glorify Him in all that we do, right? He is glorified in the asking process.

When you look at prayer like i was for so long..the, why pray if nothing changes attitude, that simply is orbiting around the selfish mentality. what's in it for me? what do i get out of this? why pray if i won't feel better? it's all centered about you and around you.....

we are told to pray according to His kingdom purposes, not for our comfort.....yikes, i know i heard our pastor say that outloud but i felt it sting so deeply in my heart because for some reason i was beginning to get it...the idea that prayer is not for us...but for Him. and that prayer is indeed a privilege. one that we received from Christ's death which made it possible to even be in God's presence again, much less to talk to Him.

when shown in that light and perspective, my prayer life should be something i do FOR Him and to honor Him and do without expecting the eight ball answers like i do sometimes....

i sat in the waiting room the other day of my OB's office. full little round belly in my hands, looking around at all the women there..some with child, others not. i remembered the MANY visits that followed sydney's passing...where i would sit there with my flat (ok, well not pregnant) tummy and try and hide my tears from those women with swollen stomachs full of life...i would cry and feel so hopeless looking around me at so many who were "getting" what i wanted.....today, i sat there and wondered if any women thought of me that way. they would have no idea that the tattoo on my foot is of a child who is no longer here...and that the child in my belly right now is a miracle baby that i pray over and cry over and try like hell to hold onto even though i know i can't control what happens....they don't know what i have been through...i probably just look like another pregnant woman to them...i might even anger the one across the room holding tight to her painfully empty belly...yet, she doesn't know that i know her pain...or that i can begin to at least...

i sat there, silently praying and giving thanks to a God that brought me out of that dark place of hopelessness. and please know this, it was not because of the new life we were given in Henry. that is not what began to heal my heart...it was the realizing power and the grace of God that pointed me back to the new life that i have in Christ and what happened on the cross that gives me hope. that my eternal life that waits for me is a restored, redeemed, lovely heavenly home, one that waits with a little girl with curly dark hair for me....one that waits with a Savior who spilled Grace for me and makes it possible for me to not have to suffer the rest of my days in pain, but look forward to a reconciled and restored life of Joy in His presence.

i thanked God today that my heart was open enough to feel the searing pain of our daughter's loss and absence...while at the same time open to what God had ordained her life to mean to me and teach me......i prayed with my hands on my belly for henry adam. in the same office, i sat with my hands on my belly full of our little girl, i prayed for henry's life...yes i am scared. yes, i have no idea what the next months hold for our family...why pray if i know i have no control over any of that? pray for my comfort, my heart? my feelings? for me to feel at peace? for me to have my baby born alive this time so i don't have to die again inside? all those things are about me. about what i want....and while i know God longs to show graciousness to us and show compassion and grant us the desires of our hearts, all that has to line up with His will and what He wants for us...so we better get busy praying for those things to be revealed...for HIs will to become ours...instead of the other way around.

we have a gracious God who asks us to come to Him. to talk to Him, to honor Him with the words of our heart.

"we should pray persistently, expectantly...by emphasizing spiritual needs or physical wants..by tying requests to God's eternal kingdom purposes...." from the message at church

we cannot go to Him expecting our way BUT we CAN expect Him to hear us and love us wisely for His good and ours. He may not give the answer to something you ask, right away or at all, but we must remember that He himself is the answer giver in His own time and even IS the answer Himself.

if we would focus more on Him and His glory as a purpose instead of our own comforts, we would be transformed.

i long to be transformed like that. where my prayers are an offering to him rather than a christmas list of wants...a love letter to Him rather than a complaint form or suggestion card at church......

it's not easy. i am getting there....my mind at least has some things to work with now....