heart muscle

those of you exercise junkies who get up early every morning and train/master/work your body KNOW what it feels like if you skip training once or backslide for a while. you know it affects your mood and your muscle and all the work you have done to get there. 

SO, i do hope any and all of you that know me will understand my 30daysofgrace idea this sydney month is NOT about bragging or look at meand how thoughtful i am, look at how holy i am being or self-serving trite babble that means i am amazing and not hurting. prayerfully, if you know me, that won't cross your mind at all. and will you know THIS act of 30days to focus on GRACE and serving gets my hurting grief heart in the right place it needs to be. OFF of me and ON to God. if you know me and my hurting heart that could hide in bed all day if flesh chose it, you must know that GOD gets the glory for anything i give or serve in, all Him.

grief is like a muscle and you must work it and master and train it with TRUTH or it will wear down and atrophy the other muscle it affects most and that's the heart. without exercise you might become tired or sluggish and make bad food choices and become apathetic and turn to other things that don't help. well, i see that if we sit in grief alone for long enough, without applying TRUTH and mercy to it, we can become bitter and angry, selfish and inward and our heart muscle hardens and can't work like it should. AND we will turn to other things to feel better, we are hardwired to do so. so how can helping others and loving on mercy be offensive? mercy, i pray it's not.

that being said, if anyone is tired of my postings or feels like i'm going on and on? well, you can message me and talk to me, OR hide me or delete me but i will keep going and persevere for my heart muscle that's weak, for my family and for my girl and for my GOD who gives grace to get up every morning and go another day wearing suffering AND joy and peace by His grace, not mine or ANY of my works or deeds. at the slightest fear of being misunderstood, HE sent me a most gracious affirming message from a dear sweet young sweet lady from my past yesterday that brought such comfort to me and helped me not want to give up and stop the self-doubt talk. HE is so good like that and His timing is PERFECT, always.

thanks to those who are joining us this month, through posting on FB or Instagram or messaging me privately through text or call, it doesn't matter HOW, public or not, but it's the joining and carrying this month with us that swells my heart. and reminds me that working grief muscles through this thanksgiving and mercy does have lasting beauty..i really do pray that in blessing us in this grace to others month, YOU are blessed with His Joy as you serve others and Him and persevere in your own heart work! God overlapping such mercy in us all? because of a little brown haired beauty with a middle name of grace? THAT's something to boast about!