no update....

soooo, of course things would go crazy for us this season, right? ha

the lab messed up my tests by running it as qualitative rather than quantitative...which means my results were:

POSITIVE, you are pregnant...instead of here are what your numbers are!

they re-ran the blood work but doctors offices are not opened tomorrow or friday because of the holidays, soooo we will not know anything until monday morning....

i am soooo sad that i have this to worry about as i face sydney's day...i really wanted to focus just on her and not be an anxious ball of nerves...

but thankfully, we have ian's parents in town for the holidays, so we will have a fun cozy distraction until then, that will help pass the time and keep us cheery....

i don't understand why things like this have to happen, but i know i am not to complain, because...yes, even this mishap, God is sovereign over and i must except it...and be joyful in it and through it....i will try!

it makes it harder on my heart because liam told me last night that the baby died in the morning. i asked him where he got that idea and he told me Jesus told him. it stopped my heart it seemed and i got scared....i teared up and feared the worst...i prayed silly-like that our son is not a modern day prophet and that he is just talking "silly" like a 4 yr old can...we had talked earlier that night at dinner to him about how this baby will either come home with us one day from the hospital or it will go to be with Jesus and Sydney and we have to wait and pray and see what will be....but we told him no matter what happens, that our family will be ok and God will take care of us....i can only hope that this conversation is what led to his comment to me about the baby and that he did not get some special Holy Spirit communication like he said...but humanly speaking, i have to say that i believed him at first and am so scared that it is true...and i have to pray away that fear and lie that the enemy is trying to fill me with.....

so you can see why todays results of no results don't sit well with my anxious gut....i just want answers...but i must wait. wait with time but mostly wait on the Lord... to sustain me...to fill me with hope and peace....and to get my through this weekend of missing our girl...

i love that when i am not strong, my God is.