ian is, by far, more than i could ever have imagined as a daddy to our children....i always thought he would make a great father even when we first started dating...his kindness, his gentleness, the way he cared for animals and mentored so many kids in the youth group we worked with in columbia and moldova...but he is, in fact, an amazing daddy to his little boy and loves our son with a love that is fierce, tender, passionate and unconditional. he is patient and he sacrifices and works very hard for our family...he puts time with liam first over a tv show or a nap on the couch and he always makes him liam special...he always looks forward to guy time and home depot trips, reading and "teachable moments"...he is so in love with his son and that makes him the most beautiful man in my eyes, even besides his charm and sweet smile and dapper looks, his heart and how he loves liam is the most attractive quality by far to me...that and his faith of course, that is always a given ...it makes me so very proud to see how he loves our liam.
it makes me this much sadder to see that sydney missed out on having ian as an earthly father like liam gets to experience. ian was made to be a little girl daddy. anyone can be a father..but not everyone is cut out for being a father to a little girl in my opinion. it takes a special kind of man to know just how to love a daughter....tender and gentle and adoring...most men that love their wives this way will love their daughters the same...you miss out on the unique "needs" that come to parenting a daughter and you can seriously alter her future with self esteem and future relationships. i am a girl so i feel i am the utmost expert on this matter, if you don't mind me saying. if a little girl, even a little boy, but especially a little girl doesn't feel adored or prized in the eyes of her father, she will seek it out elsewhere as she grows....if she doesn't feel safe in her daddy's arms, she will not be able to grasp the love of her Heavenly Father and will have a hard time finding it in another man for her mate in her adult years....all children need this kind of love, but there is something about being a little girl and growing up in the strength of a Godly man who adores you and teaches you about your worth that makes all other men in your future fade in comparison as you begin to enter the "relationship" stage as a young adult...so you don't settle for anything less than that kind of love in a mate...a Christ-like love that makes you feel like you empowered in grace and love...
so to be married to be an amazing man whom i know and trust can give this kind of love to a little girl made it that much more painful to give him a daughter just to have her taken away before she could learn of his love for her like this.....yet, ian is still sydney's daddy. and he always will be. and we will have a joyous reunion on this new earth when the time comes to join our Father at Home one day and meet her again. but for now, sydney does still have a daddy that took special care of her in those days of planning and visiting the mortuary. ian, as hard as it was at the young age of 28, took care of all the details for sydney's move from the hospital to the funeral home. he met with the people he needed to meet with, answered the hard questions, signed the difficult papers, advocated for our daughter and her body, made sure she was respected and taken care of in her last few days here in her earthly body and even "made sure" she was cremated with part of my own 31 year old baby blanket with her...he took care of her even in those small details. he sang over her and prayed for her in the first few hours we met her. he sang, through all his many tears, to her all the songs that we sing to liam because she "deserved" that honor of getting to "hear" our lullabies and songs we sing in our family at bedtime together...he quickly in the next several weeks, a man who never wanted a tattoo in his life ever, designed a beautiful tribute to his little girl and had it inked on his arm for all to see but especially for him to see...to remind him of "the pulse of his heart", his little baby girl...he has cared for her memory and sworn to want to be a better man here on earth, not just for God and himself and us..but also for his daughter...that her legacy would change him and be forever with him and lives to make her proud with all that he does....
one such example that brought me to tears.....during our er trip this last week for ian's nailgun accident, ian was given a stuffed animal bear for his "good behavior" kind of as a joke but when they heard we had a 3 yr old at home who was worried about his daddy, they gave us an extra bear...ian took the extra bear to the nurse and asked that he take the bear upstairs to the labor and delivery floor and find a family who had lost a baby recently or save it for such a family and tell them our story and let them know we care about them...i smiled through my tears and was reminded once again why sydney and liam were so lucky to have ian as their daddy...and why i was so lucky to have him as my husband and friend. it was a beautiful and kind gesture that had escaped my mind but was jumping off ian's heart and he acted on it...and it made me proud.
so, today, on what would be his first father's day with his little girl...ian is without her. he only has one little one to crawl up in his lap and shower with kisses and hug tightly. but if sydney was to be born into any family and leave it so quickly, she was very lucky to have ian as her daddy and to have such a man carry her memory for the rest of his days here on earth. ian told liam that no gift would ever mean as much or be as special as the gift of his son..."the gift of you, liam..is all i need" he told him today...it made my heart sing...it made me hope that sydney can see her daddy and feel his love somehow and know what a special daddy she was blessed with...
i love you, my husband...father to our TWO children...a wonderful teacher, a compassionate father and a loving soul. happy father's day to you, my love. i love you.
1 comment:
Happy belated Fathers Day to you and your two babes. Yes I know you are an excellent father. It's so evident in your life with your family. I so admire you. You are one in a million.
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