without...

after an afternoon playing with friends and their siblings yesterday, liam informed me and ian at the dinner table that he, infact, does not have a sister...

"braidyn has a sister. and grayson has a sister. but i don't have one," liam said sadly. he hung his head and seemed upset.

i choked on both my food and my tears and just stared at him. i didn't know what to say, it just came out of left field and i felt and sensed his sadness so greatly. he wasn't sad or coveting a friend's toy...he was envious of their families...

it broke my heart and i looked away as the tears started down my face...i looked back at our son and told him, with tears falling, that he does have a sister...a very special sister that gets to sit in Jesus' lap everyday...that she will always be his sister and that one day he will get to see her face to face if Jesus is in his heart and maybe someday soon he can have a brother or sister to play with like his friends...that he won't always be without...at least, i hope i convinced him of that...

oh, damn. this hurts. i am used to hurting for me and ian...but this new pain for liam is hard. to see him ache like this is too much. it just doesn't seem fair. i hate to whine like that, but that's how i feel. like a toddler throwing a tantrum in God's face screaming, "it is not fair, God, why?"...

God, give me the grace to help liam through this season...give us the words and wisdom to comfort our son; when we cannot, when our words fail..we trust you will pick up the pieces and love him and comfort him like we cannot.

you better, because i have no other Hope.