liam asked to take a bath in the sink last night. he had to be patient while we cleaned it and bleached it before he could get clean in it, he didn't really understand that part...he is so big and barely fits, but he had a good time. it washed (sorry for the pun) over me though, that we could have been giving sydney a bath in the sink like we did when liam was a newborn and it made my heart sink (again, sorry for the pun) all over again. i shared my thought with ian. little moments come and go like this...guys don't get it, they don't understand and sometimes think we are harping on the negative or drudging stuff up with comments like that...but for women, we have a storehouse in our minds for stuff like this..as moms, we have hearts that still dream and hope and mourn the what-ifs.....i should have been bathing my baby in the sink instead of my three year old. i can say that. and i did. even so, liam had a blast and drenched our kitchen floor with half the water in the sink. but at least he got clean and had fun doing it. and as fast as i had become saddened, my heart soared with gratitude for my two guys in my life. and i told them so, each, while planting big kisses on them. i am enjoying that part now, where the grief moments are replaced quickly with recognizing blessings and forging ahead with thanksgiving. i am trying. i am headed there. but i still miss our girl. and the what-if moments are gonna keep on comin'....just glad to see that they are followed with grace that i can recognize now and hold onto.
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