tell me why again, God...why i have to carry this pain and hole in my heart
tell me why, again, God...why i have to walk this path as do so many other dear women i know
tell me why, again, God...why me and not her or her or her or them or them or them
tell me why, again God...the purpose for this hell, how you will transform it into your Glory
tell me why, again God, why me? why me? why me?
why me? i say, God, you ask..
well, yes then, why me? do i boldly dare the King of Kings? can i do that?
ok- if this is my burden or cross to carry, then show me why. make something of this loss. i dare you.
make her short life have meaning and purpose. you BETTER use it for good, if i have to go through this, you BETTER spin a beautiful story of her purpose in life and death and use if for your Glory. my daughter's small time on earth, yes even if just inside of her mother's body, will not be in vain. i will NOT let it. if liam can't know his sister, if we can't know our daughter...you better use her life to help someone know you. you HAVE to God, i beg of you to let my daughter's stillborn death save someone from their own soul's death. let sydney's death bring even just one soul, if not more, to Life in you. at least then, i will fall on my knees and know there was a purpose, a reason...if not, then tell me again, God, why me?
tell me why, again, God...why i have to walk this path as do so many other dear women i know
tell me why, again, God...why me and not her or her or her or them or them or them
tell me why, again God...the purpose for this hell, how you will transform it into your Glory
tell me why, again God, why me? why me? why me?
why me? i say, God, you ask..
well, yes then, why me? do i boldly dare the King of Kings? can i do that?
ok- if this is my burden or cross to carry, then show me why. make something of this loss. i dare you.
make her short life have meaning and purpose. you BETTER use it for good, if i have to go through this, you BETTER spin a beautiful story of her purpose in life and death and use if for your Glory. my daughter's small time on earth, yes even if just inside of her mother's body, will not be in vain. i will NOT let it. if liam can't know his sister, if we can't know our daughter...you better use her life to help someone know you. you HAVE to God, i beg of you to let my daughter's stillborn death save someone from their own soul's death. let sydney's death bring even just one soul, if not more, to Life in you. at least then, i will fall on my knees and know there was a purpose, a reason...if not, then tell me again, God, why me?
10 comments:
(((((Alyssa))))))
uh oh! am i in trouble?
The answer to "why?" is as individual as each person's grief. And, sadly, we have to come to the answer on our own. God doesn't make it easy for us by giving us a "cheat sheet".
We learn about ourselves when we wrestle with grief. And, in an odd and unpleasant way, the grief can make us better, stronger people. (Lest you fear that I'm on the verge of a "pep" talk, let me ease your mind. That sort of thing isn't my forte.) You can't escape or out-run the grief so you begin to see it as a challenge. I can allow the grief, the enemy, to get the better of me, or I can choose to "rise above". (It's been a long while since he's heard it from my lips, but ask Jonathan sometime about "rise above" and "do unto others...."....my two mantras.)
Another funny thing about grief scars is that you recognize fresh wounds or old scars in others, and, if you're careful not to let the grief harden your heart, you feel a camaraderie and a compassion that can lead you to share what helped you to treat your wounds. It's like kids sharing stories about physical scars. Everybody's always in awe of the kid with the grossest scar story. Have you noticed that the least compassionate people are those with no scars?
You're but an infant in the grief process so I understand that your heart and your mind may not be ready for my words right now. But, I check in on you several times a day and felt the need to post.
Love..........Kathy
I forgot to mention.....keep Bob Spongepants...whoever the heck he may be...I'm not current on cartoon dudes....right where he is. Someday that particular page in your Bible will become very dear to you. Trust me.
Why would you be in trouble??? You've spoken your heart...God is big enough to handle the whys and rants. If I'm big enough to handle hearing your anger and pain, then someone please help us if He's not. We're all in a deep pile of crap.
k-thanks andi for clearing that up. just didn't know what (((alyssa))) meant. thought you might be yelling it while looking for lightning to strike me...i am not up with computer online lingo...ha!
i think that means hugs!
Okay. Can I have a "do-over"? Something a tad less preachy perhaps?
I've given it to God with language that would set your hair on fire. As a matter of fact, the last time I had such a display wasn't that many days ago. It's a wonder my tongue hasn't been snatched out of my head by now along with the hair off of my head. I should be walking around hairless and tongueless.
oh kathy greer! how i love you. and what i wouldn't give for one of your good hugs right now. seriously, you set the bar high in my eyes long ago for good hugs...
Oh no, Alyssa! I would never yell at you! Unless I'm screaming "I get it". And I only partially get it at that, but I connect enough with what you're saying that I sit in tears at most of your words.
Yes, you're mom is right. ((((Alyssa)))) just means I'm hugging you. I know I'm a total stranger and all, but well...I can't help it.
((((Alyssa))))
So there. :-)
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