finding out why?

i spoke with a new friend the other night...a new friend that i have made who belongs to the same crappy club i do...this sweet precious woman has 3 death certificates after being pregnant 3 times instead of birth certificates. she has lost all 3 of her babies. she actually had an abruption with her last baby and had to bury her sweet daughter and lose once again...after already going through this twice. she found out after her third loss, when she was FINALLY tested, that she, also like me, has the factor five leiden blood disorder...which apparently is one of the leading silent causes of why so many women can't sustain pregnancies but either doctors or insurance companies just won't seem to test women for this blood disorder until after the third loss she told me. one loss seems enough i would humanely plead and scream with anger. i know that many women will not fall into this category. i wish there were answers for us all, but sadly i know many just don't have them and won't get them. but if this is becoming such a common, but once unknown, reason for pregnancy and infant loss, than why the hell aren't we testing women in the first trimester of their first pregnancy...if it means you can't take hormones for the rest of your life, which you can't if you have factor V, such as birth control, than why don't we test every women for this disorder before we prescribe birth control pills so young?

many women have to journey the cruel road of infertility and loss, over and over and over...and some don't have answers, that hurts me...but why do women have to struggle in silence and ignorance of a disease that they may have but don't know and have to lose 4-5 children until someone gives a damn....i want to advocate for women now that i know this. i want to start a movement or legislation or something, anything...even if i have to beg all of my friends who continue this path to plead with their doctors to test them...one of my dearest friends had to lose even just one of her children because of her body's inability to produce progesterone, but she didn't know that about her biology. once she found this out after the miscarriage, she began progesterone therapy and went on to give birth to two healthy babies later...why can't women be screened at the beginning of every pregnancy for EVERY possible outcome or imbalance that might be present?

we get our cars checked incessantly and especially before we go on a long trip..we check the tires, the oil, etc, to make sure all the mechanics are working properly for the long haul, "just in case"....why can't we women demand this for our bodies as well, for our futures, for our children...so that we do not have to pile up death certificates like junk mail...it is sick. i know i am on my soap box about this, but why the hell not? i am so mad. i am so heartbroken to hear of my new friend's struggle with so many losses...i am relieved for her that she now knows and can go into another pregnancy prepared and with the medication her body needs to sustain a healthy and viable pregnancy...but the most ironic and awful part about this story is that i was there at the meeting too...she heard my story, similar to hers, and she lost a bit of hope...i knew i had this blood disorder, granted after being 3-4 months into my pregnancy with sydney i learned this, but i did take the medication needed as soon as i could get it and i still lost my child. even so, i should have started my medicine earlier but we can all give a big thanks and finger to blue cross blue shield for denying me and my child the very thing that might have saved her life and prolonged my struggle to get my body the drug it needed for months, thanks red tape!...

maybe i got on the drug much too late, maybe had we been cleared with insurance and started months sooner than we did she would have made it...who knows. but even with her answers, this sweet woman looked over at me with my story and saw despair...even with her new truth, i have what she has, i took the meds needed and still have a death certificate....but one thing for sure, we both are aware now and from the beginning of what ever pregnancy may be possible in the future for us, at least we are armed with knowledge of our body's need for this medication....i am sad, though, she had to lose 3 of her babies to finally find the truth about her body and it's limits....

when i learned i had it, i was floored. i had never heard of this genetic disorder. no one in my family had it, how would i? i had no symptoms but i learned many don't...but since i did, in fact, have factor V, then that meant obviously that one or both of my parents were carriers also or i was adopted. since the latter was not true, then it became very obvious and scary that one or both of my parents were walking around with this blood clotting disorder as well. THEIR WHOLE LIFE and not knowing it. the other scary thought was that if i had it, then what were the odds that my brother carried it as well? after all of us being tested, come to find out, my dad is a carrier and my brother is as well. so all of the sudden now, at 31 years old 3/4 of my family has this stinkin' blood disorder and we have been in the dark about it.....between the many many multiple surgeries between me, my dad and my brother- it is a miracle that we are alive apparently not knowing our risk of clotting following surgeries or our risk for DVT or me with problem pregnancies, which i painfully had to learn the hard way....but now we know. the three of us know our body's malfunction now and are aware. i guess that is at least one thing ,of many, that sydney's life gave to us, was that answer and that truth about our family genes.

i guess, at least, if any of you have had multiple pregnancy loss and have never been tested for factor five leiden-than ask your doctor about it and don't take no for an answer. don't let them bully you about the insurance companies and how they will brand you for life with red tape if you do have this or get tested, don't let them persuade you with costs and expenses...find a way and get it done. maybe you don't have it, that is great. but what if you do? what if you do and you don't know. find out. for me. for my friend. for sydney. for your future.