sydney's grace...

what the hell? i was blessed twice today and enjoying our family evening and dinner with friends and then as if hit upside the head it comes at me...

i am laying with liam, reading to him at bedtime and he starts talking to the "baby" and saying it's moving in my tummy and he gives it zerberts and tries to get it to move but nothing will happen, nothing is moving, "nothing is happening momma", he tells me.

i had to get ian to finish bedtime and i sat alone and cried and cried. i am not mad at my son for what he said. i am mad that it can't be true, i am mad that he doesn't have his sister to talk to like he used to.

i really do have to hold onto the blessings i do receive ever so tightly, because before i know it i am back on the floor again...

i hate death.  i miss her.