sydney's grace...

i saw a pregnant women from the neighborhood today in church and i know it is her 3rd or 4th child...i was obviously envious as she sat down in front of me....but then god told me something that made me think....IF, the big IF, we are ever to get pregnant again that will be a miracle pregnancy, it will be a post-sydney pregnancy...if a random grieving stranger who is in my shoes now sees me in church or at target then while i am pregnant, they might look at me and say to themselves, "woman, you have NO idea how lucky you are, you better be damn grateful...or maybe i just want to hit you right now....etc"...this woman would have no idea what i have lost before this next pregnancy...she wouldn't see that i am supposed to have two kids with me while pregnant instead of just one...she wouldn't know that i am walking around scared as hell to lose the next one....it made me think about all the expectant woman i see day to day...some may be "normal", but many may be in their post-sydney pregnancies, scared and praying they get to bring this one home....some, sadly, may be carrying a sydney baby whom they will never bring home in the near future, just like me...whatever it may be, god told me to be more gracious about it because of my possible future one day in being one of those whom i scoff at right now, to understand and not just look at the belly...i know nothing and cannot connect the dots so easily...it was humbling..