scents...

smells and scents always take me back to another place in time or remind me of people....lavender and tea rose oil reminds me of my mamer frances, the scent of wood and musty old garages with tools- my grandpa howard, pancakes-my grandpa fred, lysol or anything marykay-my grandmother reba....halston cologne or the smell of a smoking pipe with vanilla tobacco-my dad, sweets or deserts baking remind me of my mom always baking for us growing up as well as bijan perfume and gardenia's, turkey and ham remind me of all the many family holidays at my aunt and uncle's house, wrigley's spearmint gum- my aunt pam, caress soap reminds me of anne's house growing up, cilantro makes me think of my friend jolie (great cook), nail polish always makes me think of my friend chele with whom i must have painted toenails and fingernails a thousand times with growing up, vanilla candles- laura's house, a certain loreal hair gel and lipstick scent make me immediately think of steph, chinese food reminds me of my sister-in-law, jenny, bc we ate pretty much nothing but that when we lived together, the smell of jasmine reminds me of the trees on the USC campus and walking to class as well as my wedding with jasmine candles, pumpkin candles or pumpkin anything reminds me of amy and our love for fall, sweaty sock smell reminds me of my brother (sorry chris) from growing up with a sweaty athletic little brother but that was replaced in our adult years with coffee and cigars that remind me of chris, a certain armani cologne or the smell of garlic and grilling reminds me of my ian who is a master grillsman/cook and loves to entertain and feed his friends/family and finally, sunscreen or cheerios- our liam, especially the smell of maple syrup reminds me of liam's sticky hair or sweet smell in the morning after breakfast..all these smells...all these memories..and many more, these are just off the top of my head...scents can be very powerful for the brain...

i sat painting my toenails the other evening and it washed over me, the thought of all the times i had looked forward to doing that with my daughter, all the times that i would miss in the future...i thought, maybe that smell of polish might have reminded me of her...and i got so deeply sad that i don't have a smell that reminds me of her...i never got the chance...

the other morning, i was putting lotion on my "sweet feet" (one of the best cosby episodes btw) tattoo and i inhaled the smell of cocoa/shea butter and i instantly thought of her...rubbing that junk on my belly 20x a day, talking to her while i did it and thinking about what she was doing in there and if she could feel my touch as i massaged the lotion into my skin on my belly...and i smiled as i thought, my smell. my smell for her, that is what my smell is for her...that will be forever my sydney scent.....i was grateful for even that small little blessing...