where is Your peace?

where is the peace that surpasses ALL understanding? where is it, Lord? where is the peace the covers me beyond anything i can make sense of? where is the peace that comes only from YOU? where is the peace that will still my restless heart and anxious mind? where is the peace that you promise if we trust You and come to You when we are heavy ladened? where is the peace when i need it to survive each day, need it the most these days not to pull out my hair or fall apart, to save my marriage and our family? where is the peace is in all this darkness? i have heard of that peace, that peace from You that surpasses all and any understanding? i know it is in Your word and it is a promise to your people....why then, do i not have that? i have tried. i have asked. i have begged. i have been broken, i have cried and submitted. i have prayed. i have given her to you over and over and still no peace. how do i move forward with no peace? how do i pray for it with clinched fists so hard that i can't let it go? how do i survive this and be a good mom and wife if i have no joy or peace to give back? i feel like you are light years away, i cannot hear your voice and i don't feel safe.....why do i have to lose her AND You it seems at the same time? i can't get passed her loss without you...help me to be still before you and listen for you....help me to not give up....