Come as YOU are...

A couple of my best friends dragged me out last night for a girl's night. Ok- well, they didn't have to drag me too much- I did need a break from 3yr old tantrums and sinus infections.....and they reminded me that I needed to get out of the house and get time for myself and catch up since the holidays and have some drinks together and relax and yes-laugh again. Each of us has a lot going on in our own lives, difficult seasons that we have been thrown into and are attempting to adjust to and though each situation is completely different; the frustration, the agonizing, the hurting and the mourning of our expectations is something the three of us can relate with and share right now.

We all three are believers in Christ and his teachings, we all three have a foundation of faith for our lives, a set of beliefs and values we have always tried to live our lives by... we each have known the joys of pouring ourselves into full time and volunteer ministry and missions in the past yet also have been in the trenches of the mega-church "matrix" and have been jaded by legalism and pretenses. All three of us have the ability to KNOW what and WHO will get us through these storms in our lives-to know that there is always a purpose in the storms to urge us to grow and need HIM more and make us more like HIM, we know that but work through that process in a more honest way now than ever before... when we get together, the three of us are in the business of being real, getting to the point and getting past the BS and giving each other the space needed to work out our "fear and trembling" of our faith with raw honesty and guts, yet gently encouraging and directing one another always back to true NORTH....the most beautiful thing to me and for me right now is that these 2 friends (and several others) have given me the freedom to question my faith, to feel my pain at the moment I feel it and wrestle with it however I feel like wrestling with it at the time...anger, sadness, apathy, dark humor, irreverence, fear or uncertainty...we take each other as we are, nothing more-nothing less....knowing that we won't let each other stay there for too long.

In all of my attempts in life as a people pleaser, I have learned how easy and yet how counteractive it is to suppress ones feelings to appease others in order to escape their judgment and any awkward confrontation. I have also watched in many churches how many modern day Christians live their lives like this as well, putting on a facade that all is ok when it is clearly not. "How are you?- Fine, thanks...How are you?..Fine" with no intentions of stopping and really getting to the bottom of how anyone is truly feeling. And if you really want to know how someone is doing, you better be prepared to hear it as it is and not a candy coated sunday school answer because life, when it really throws you into despair, when it really gets turned upside down and you experience grief-true grief, any kind of grief...you are never prepared no matter what you believe for that kind of hurt....you can either plow ahead with your rehearsed platitudes and fake armor for people not to be able to get passed to see your heart and simply just get by...or you can stop, where you are at-examine your life and your heart...wrestle with the anger or pain and let it bleed...given time, it will heal, but the wound needs to bleed. Any attempt to put a quick bandaid on this kind of pain will only stop the bleeding for a short while...merely a temporary fix. It's sad how many people are unaware of their "bandaids"....

These 2 friends of mine aren't the only people in my life who love me this way, there are others and you know who you are. I am just thankful for authentic people I can sit with, cry with, have drinks with and go from laughing to crying and back to laughing in 2 minutes all the while trying to sincerely figure this journey out. Sharing each other's burdens, having accountability but not judgement, being able to share tears over a bottle of wine and not feel like Big Brother is watching, ministering to each other over Mu Shu Chicken, a gazillion fortune cookies and good music while tending to one another's hearts. Patience....that might be the thing that describes our friendship best. Patience in waiting for that friend to come back around, to find their way back, to trust that their heart will soften, to ask for help, to trust that they will just let go and give it all back to God when ready, to surrender their expectations for His will instead...Patience is hard when you want someone to be where you are at, when you know they aren't where you would like them to be or feel they should be or their uncertainty makes you feel uncomfortable......But patience is loving them anyway, loving them while they are in the midst of figuring it all out and not rushing them to heal according to your time table...but just waiting it out with them....waiting. Waiting. Silence. Waiting. More waiting. Be patient now.

"Love is Patient" is what I feel when I am with them....Thank you my sweet friends for last night...for the drinks and the food, for a time for laughter and tears and a time of sharing our stories and our seasons...and for being patient with me as I continue to figure out this season of my grief. I love you both and will walk with each of you through your trying seasons as well and love you just as you are and champion you back to your best self, one that HE reshapes and refines in the midst of ourselves.... Come as you are....a very wise man once said.....