How Bizarre?

So, today I should be going to my OB for my check-up for Sydney who should be due in a week or two....instead, before her due date is even here, I am going to my OB to get my birth control. Birth control to prevent another pregnancy before my last child that I lost is even due....how bizarre this world I have found myself in. I pray to God that I can sit in that waiting room without 20 pregnant women surrounding me, rubbing their belly's and complaining about heartburn and sore feet. I would give anything for heartburn and sore feet right now.

Later....After the appointment:

And who do you think I had to sit in between in the waiting room? No lie....A very pregnant woman to my left and a precious newborn baby girl, weeks old to the right. Really? Give me a break! Snot, more snot. Can I tell you how much snot I had to swallow so it wouldn't come out of nose? Can I tell you how soaking wet I must have made the sleeve of my jacket while I hid my tears in it? I can't believe how awkward this afternoon was...I felt like I was in the twilight zone...I felt like I wanted to take off my jacket and fold it up, stuff it in my shirt to make it look I was pregnant again, just to feel that way again, to fit in there with all the other ladies...to not stand out as the crying lonely looking lady with no baby...to be there for "normal" reasons, to hear her heartbeat and get weighed and complain about my sciatica...to beg to be induced because I am so uncomfortable..not to feel like the teenager who was there with her boyfriend probably getting birth control too...I wanted to feel like a Mommy, Sydney's Mommy...(I know, I know, I am still her Mommy no matter what...but you know what I mean..) instead, not only am I not pregnant anymore...but thanks to Mirena, not anytime soon, or in the near future...maybe not at all.