Thursday, January 10, 2008
Pictures...
Pictures. That's all I have. Just pictures. No tiny hand to hold or head to kiss...No tiny toes to count, no warm skin to feel on my cheek....just pictures. Pictures of my sweet daughter. I wept over her today, over her pictures this morning because I had nothing else to hold to feel close to her. My tears wet the paper and I held tightly to each one, trying to see if I could learn something new about her or see something I didn't see when I held her....But all I have is a picture. I ache for her today. I ache for hope and a morning I don't wake up to this empty feeling....At least I have my pictures...a damn collection of 4 x 6 pieces of paper. How is this all I have of her God? Why is this the path you have taken me down? I don't want it, I don't want this damn road. I just want her. It gets closer each day to the day we were supposed to welcome her and I think I am losing it more and more with each passing day, more angry and more devastated and shocked that she won't be coming...I want to freeze time so I don't have to face that day...God, I don't want that day to come without her.....How is this my hell?
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4 comments:
I am so very sorry. I will be praying for you, that God will comfort you and that He will ease your burden of grief by allowing others of us who are praying for you, to share it.
I can't tell you how sorry I am.
my heart really hurts for you, alyssa. i think of you often, and ask the Lord to hold you close every minute of every day. grieving is sooooo hard. i have been there, i understand pain. i understand what it feels like to have your heart broken...to feel like you have nothing but pain.
i pray that the Lord's presence will be real...that His peace will cover your aching heart. i'm praying for you.
angie (shawn's sister)
God, please show her your love.
I can't say I can even begin to feel what you are feeling, but my grief for you is so great. I know there is not much I can say. Everyday will come with overwhelming pain and heartache, but continue looking for those signs that God is sending you... letting you know that you are totally surrounded by Him. Our God is so merciful... your grief will day by day, moment by moment become less and less and your thoughts and feelings about Sydney Grace will become ones that make you smile with comfort.
I ask myself numerous time daily, what do I do to help my friend who is in so much pain. I cry and I get angry and I feel helpless as do all of your family and friends. I know that God has promised in His word that He will comfort you and give you peace in times of pain and suffering. I do not understand the reason for what you are having to endure. I also question and feel anger and sadness. I can not imagine your depth of pain, but hold on tightly to the fact that your time of peace WILL come. You are not going to feel as you feel now..forever. Empty words right now Lyss, I know, but I just love you and am doing my best to reach out to you.
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