Damn you, Emotion!

Emotion won out today. It kicked my ass. Emotion won out over Truth this afternoon. My heart hurts and I am angry. And all it took was a photograph. All because I looked at a picture of Liam today, back when he was a baby, and realized how far he has come. How much he has grown. How much I have loved getting to learn about his personality and what makes him tick these past 3 years. How he HAS to have milk first thing in the morning and HAS to have his blue snugger (blanket) and his monkey, Charlie to get to sleep. And it hit me like a mack truck-I lost it. I won't ever get to see what my Sydney looks like at 1 or 2 or at 3. I won't get to look back at her baby pictures and see how much she has grown. I won't get to see how my Sydney evolves and grows from a baby to a toddler and learn her funny mannerisms. I will never know what her needs might have been at 6am with sleepy eyes. I will never know if she would have taken a pacie or needed a blankie to sleep with. Liam hates veggies. I will never know if she would have hated them too. The WHAT IF has overpowered the WHAT IS in my life today. Guess, I am stuck with that until I can stop being angry. I know the difference. Just don't want to deal with it today.