No Ordinary Errand....

It took everything in me to pack up my car with the 12 bags, (yes-12 bags) of maternity clothes, baby clothes and toys to take to the consignment store today. I cried packing the car, driving there, unloading the car, at the counter and with each bag I brought back in to them, I think I was crying harder...I mean, snot coming out of the nose crying...ugly looking-contorted face crying...the kind of crying you really only feel comfortable your mom or your significant other seeing you do. I had to do something with some of the stuff I had been keeping for Sydney while pregnant, a lot I kept and stored away for some reason, not ready to part with it...With little to no possibility for me to get pregnant again, I also needed to get rid of the maternity clothes taking up my closet. That being said as well, I needed to get rid of most of Liam's old clothes he had outgrown, save the stuff I wanted to keep or what I had given my best friend Amy for her little guy.... And, yes, honestly we need the money. With little to no income now, I had to see what money we could get for all this stuff that has been staring at me in the garage for the last month. I know I could have or should have just donated it all right away, right? That would have been the " giving spirit-healing-sharing" thing to do. {Bitter Aside} Tell that to the electric company when they come looking for the bill to be paid this month, she said with fear. As I unloaded my bags into the store, women with little girls in pink and pregnant women with swollen bellies shared the door with me, digging the knife in a bit deeper....all probably wondering why this mad woman was so terribly distraught at getting rid of her freakin' diaper champ. I got to the counter and asked the lady to give me a second. A second to collect myself and I told her...I blurted out some kind of a semblance of a sentence...."I lost my baby and can't have more, you have to take my things...I need you to help me take my things..." More crying and unrecognizable sentences. More snot. This poor lady. She just looked at me and patiently dealt with me and my 12 bags for the next 15 minutes. I filled out my information card dripping it with tears and snot covering their counter...I had only my sleeve to wipe it all off, gross. Sorry, 'mam. I walked out to the car and got in. Closed the door and wailed. I wailed and screamed. I hung my head in my hands and sobbed, covering my sleeves with more snot and tears. After almost 5 minutes, I looked up and the young woman from the store was at my window. She had come out to check on me, to see that I hadn't even been able to start the car up yet and wanted to give me a hug. She asked if he was mine, in the back seat. Right, my 3 yr old had been sitting quietly in the back seat as mommy howled like a hurt animal...I forgot. Yes, he is mine. She sweetly gave her, " I want to tell you that God will take care of you-Everything happens for a reason speech" and told me she would call me in an hour to come back and get my money. Two hours later, I returned to a long line and kids screaming and running amuck in the store. The young woman greeted me with a gentle smile, brought me aside by the counter and gave me the things they couldn't take and told me to wait. She then brought me a check and gave me a hug. This "errand" was the hardest damn errand I have ever run and wouldn't wish it on anyone. I was horrified to take that much stuff in at once, afraid they might think I had hit-up a couple of garage sales in a string of robberies to make money. I was terrified at not being able to contain my emotion with these complete strangers. That I might reach over the counter and grab it all back in a fit of jealous rage. I was afraid no one would understand me or be compassionate to this poor grieving snot-ridden woman. But, God gave me the perfect young woman to help me and comfort me and she truly understood just how hard this was for me. God, somehow, used this woman to love on me and help me through a daunting task. I WILL donate the rest of the items. I know someone can use them. They deserve a good home. Even if it's not mine.