carry each other's burdens...

i ordered a book on grief for ian. it is written by a dad who lost his daughter. i hope he can get some hope from it. i have been at a loss so many times as to how to help my husband through this season and be there for him. most times, i don't know how but i just love him through it the best i can. i have been blessed with so many of my friends and so many women reaching out to me the past 3 months since we lost our baby girl. i don't know why i am so shocked, but i am totally dumbfounded as to why this hasn't happened for ian so much....i mean, he lost his daughter, not just his job...we are in the tornado of our lives and i don't want him to feel alone. i know he might not have sought it out like me but he is a guy and guys grieve differently. haven't we all figured that out by now? it just seems that he has not had nearly the amount of consistent support that i have had in my friends. it hurts me to see him hurt. he doesn't like to let on, he wants to move forward and fix things and doesn't like to talk about a lot of this right now. i get that. i do. what i don't get is how you can call yourself a friend and not ever pick up the phone to call him to tell him you are sorry for his loss. you can't even send a card or email his way, to let him know you are thinking of him. who can call yourself a friend if it's only in the sunshine? can't you stand in the middle of his storms as well? his loving family calls to check on him a lot of course and my brother, obviously another male, calls a bunch and was there in the trenches with us at the beginning and "gets" ian...but I mean, where are his carriers-of -burden friends now? is this just a guy thing? he had several of his close close friends have him over for a bonfire and beer one night and i know that was healing for him, but that was at the beginning...i am sure when people seem like they don't want to talk, maybe others just take that as a cue and don't attempt communication or trying to reach out...isn't it obvious that the person is putting up a tough front? where are his bulldozer-friends who make him tear his crap down and talk about it?...maybe guys just don't do that...i know some that do though and i want that for him...one close friend has yet to even talk to ian or me at all since hearing our news in November, no call, no card, no email, not even a cheap text....that is pathetic, it maddens me to say the least...i read in my book that some couples actually have lost friends like this during the loss of their child because the friend is so uncomfortable with the deep season of grief, it is too much and they are too impatient to deal with the rollercoaster of emotions and the dark places the grief takes them...so they opt out...how sad, how cowardly in my opinion..times like these show the true character in people and what they have to offer or not... it actually took 3 men here in town, that had not really been in ian's life in several years, to call him and invite him to coffee and talk with him and LISTEN to him. i am grateful for these men in his life and hope he will continue to have them to call on...but it still makes me sad when i think how much consistent love i have received and how much support i have felt from my friends, near and far to wonder if ian has felt that at all...again, maybe it is just the differences between man and woman, but as the body of Christ aren't we all the same?....the man, the father is almost always overlooked in these situations with grief...it is assumed that he is strong and taking care of things and keeping it all together while the mom falls apart. for the most part, that is true, but they are still dealing with their pain and grieving just as intensely on the inside... i have read a lot on how this can make the dad feel and i pray that i can step out of my pain enough to be there for him and will continue to pray people, powerful men of God into his life that will help carry this burden he is walking with so painfully.