Sweet, Big Brother...

This is Liam, our gentle and loving three year old, who brought Mommy to tears this morning... This is our son playing with his "baby sister"...at first the baby's name was "Sydney who is in heaven with Jesus." Then he told me it was not baby Sydney because she died, "she died, Momma, she died..she died" he said over and over like he was trying to register the word in his brain..how was he supposed to know that those words are like knives into my heart right now? He doesn't, how could he?....He then told me that it was baby Riley who was not in heaven...I am not even sure where he got this name other than that was our other choice besides the name for Sydney...maybe he remembers it, I wish he was prophetic instead and he knew that he was going to have another sister because God told him, but chances are, my son is not a Moses....he made his baby sister a bed out of blocks and even "shared his snugger with her to keep her cozy" and asked me if I wanted to hold her, but "Momma, you have to hold her head up like this " he tells me... then he put her down for a nap and laid right beside her...but when she started "crying", he picked her up, kissed her head and whispered in her ear, "it's ok, baby..I will take care of you, it's alright..." I lost it. Are you kidding me? This kid gets denied being a big brother? He has to play pretend instead? Look at him, he is amazing and gentle and sweet, I wanted that so badly for him, to share that sweet spirit of his with his sister...The sight of him taking care of his pretend baby sister was too much, so I cried. I was weeping and trying to hide it, but he caught me.."Are you sad, Momma...let me go get you a kleenex, a Sydney kleenex, Momma..." says my three year old son. And he got me a Sydney kleenex.