Pictures...

I don't look at her picture every day. I think it is harder on me at times to remember her that way, that still. We have talked about her so much since she died that she almost seems like a phantom tale, not a real little girl...but when I look at her pictures, I remember. I remember all over again what my precious girl looked like. The pictures remind me that I did lose something, that she was real and she was here. Today, her pictures took my breath away..for some reason, maybe it has been a while since I looked at them, but looking at her pictures made me mad. There are so many parents out there who are not fit to raise their children, too many children abused and mistreated, so many teens who have unwanted babies out of wedlock, women who don't want kids and have abortions, mothers and fathers who abandon or neglect their children...parents who don't put the needs of their kids and family first before career and dreams...all these people still have their kids, whether they deserve them or not...I suppose none of us really deserve anything, but you know what I mean....

Still, while we are not near perfect at all, we actually wanted to raise our child, together, and in a loving home and were thrilled when we learned we were expecting her into our family, yet now Ian and I are without our little girl. A precious little girl that we wanted so badly, a little girl who would have had love given to her, unconditionally, the news of Jesus taught to her, a huge family to embrace her, a daddy who would gladly give up anything to put his children and wife first, a mother who would have given her own life in her daughter's place, a brother who still is waiting for his baby sister...a whole world, full of grace and love was waiting for her...a life full of wonder and Love. A family, a Mommy, a Daddy, a big brother; all waiting with open arms...She never got to know our love for her. Her pictures today reminded me of what we lost and how lucky so many other parents are out there and don't even know it....